A Crown of Beauty for Ashes: By Felicia Hefney

Hey, Sisters!

My name is Felicia Hefney, and I am sooo excited to connect with you! Allow me to start by telling you a little about myself. I was born and raised in South Carolina, but I’ve lived in New York City for about nine years (I still can’t believe it’s been that long). Although I’ve been living in the concrete jungle for a while, I’m still very much a southern girl at heart… well at least until I’m stuck in rush hour traffic then the New Yorker in me comes out! I have been working in the field of education for 13 years. I’ve worked as a teacher, a school counselor, and now I am leading a program that is geared towards high school readiness and recruitment at a charter school in Brooklyn, New York.

My healthy habits are finding really tasty health conscious foods, and exploring new fitness classes! My not so healthy habits include online shopping and chocolate - it’s pretty bad y’all! Every Sunday I have the privilege of singing on the world’s greatest choir, the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, and I get to serve alongside some pretty amazing female leaders at The Exchange which is our women’s ministry. I also lead a ministry of my own called Beauti for Ashes where I regularly share my story of loss and restoration, and God’s power to take the broken things in our lives and create something absolutely beautiful! With that being said, I’d like to share a little of my story with you.

After moving to New York in 2010 and dealing with my fair share of on and off relationships, I was ready for something more. I wanted to be married! It was in 2012, shortly after I rededicated my life to Christ that I decided to put random dating aside. I then began to ask God to send me the right one; the man I would spend the rest of my life with. Within three months of praying that prayer, I met someone. We dated for a year, and then he finally popped the question I had been patiently waiting to say YES to! A year later, we got married! I had a beautiful wedding with the perfect wedding dress that every little girl dreams of! I had a handsome groom standing next to me and a venue was filled with people that were over the moon happy for us! Everything seemed perfect! We were headed towards a great life together as husband and wife.

The first year of our marriage was pretty normal with the usual twists and turns that go along with a newly married couple trying to navigate their way through a lifelong commitment. Then the second year hit and things became a little more taxing. We weren’t plugged into a church home like we were when we first met, and he began to feel unhappy with where we were as a couple. We talked about marital counseling, but I felt that I needed individual counseling first. So I found a good therapist and began to do the work that I needed for myself. After a couple of months things seemed to be okay. However, I soon was met with another hard conversation about his unhappiness. Eventually, that talk led to other talks about separation. After all, we didn’t have kids so maybe it was easier to just walk away, but I was determined to stay. Things got quiet again for about a week or two, and I started to believe that things were getting better between us. But sadly, I was wrong. I came home from work one day with an uneasy feeling in my gut. I looked around our apartment and found his once neatly packed closet empty and a note on the bed that said, “I don’t want to be married anymore.” In that moment, I felt my whole world abruptly shatter. Everything was gone in an instant: my husband, our marriage, the children that I dreamed of us having, and the life that we were supposed to live together. All of that was gone. I sat in a state of shock and disbelief for a while not really knowing what to do. That night I remember asking God to fix it. It all felt like a really bad dream that I was going to wake up from the next morning but I didn’t.

Things got a lot worse before they got better. I had no contact with my husband. He refused to answer my calls or respond to my text messages. I kept wondering what I did that made him throw away our entire marriage with no remorse. I blamed myself for it all. The level of shame I held wasn’t enough for 20 men to carry let alone one woman. I felt alone… I felt lost.. I felt forgotten….

I regularly cried out to God in the middle of the night, but there was one particular night that the tears would not stop falling down my face. I was in agony both physically and emotionally. While calling out to God for some type of relief, I picked up my phone and randomly scrolled down to my email. It was there that I came across a devotion with a scripture I had never read before. This scripture so beautifully spoke to my situation. The scripture reference was Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow with tears will reap with shouts of joy!” It felt like God’s personal promise to me. Lord knows I was sowing with so many tears. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much before in my life, but what that scripture promised me was relief. It said, “Felicia, you’re not going to cry like this forever. There’s beauty and there’s joy on the other side of it all.” I wrote that Bible verse down on an index card and posted it on my wall. I needed the daily reminder that I soon would reap with shouts of joy!

That wasn’t the last time I taped a scripture to my wall. After a while, my bedroom walls were filled with personal promises, Bible verses, quotes, and personalized words from God. I woke up to them every morning and I would see them again before I went to sleep at night. I was in such a fragile state that I had to protect my heart and my mind. I needed to be mindful of what I watched on television, what I listened to on the radio, and who I talked to on the phone. My heart was super sensitive to everything, but I was determined to protect it. I also stepped away from social media. I knew that going on Facebook or Instagram would bring about feelings that I didn’t have the capacity to deal with at the time. With so many distractions removed: it literally became just me and Jesus. I spent most of my time outside of work praying or reading the Bible. During work, I would always find myself listening to sermons or worship music. Through that consecrated time with God, He was healing me. I was still going through dark moments, but God was there the entire time.

Eventually, I received divorce papers. Although I had been praying for restoration of my marriage those papers didn’t destroy my faith in God. I prayed long and hard before signing and felt a sweet release before mailing them off. It felt like God was telling me that it was okay. I had done what pleased Him and He would do the rest. After that moment, I felt a shift, and I began to move forward one tiny step at a time. Things didn’t change all at once, but in time it got easier. The joy, the peace, the love, the life in me that I thought had ended was all restored. It wasn’t restored in a quick moment but through a gradual process. I watched God answer the tiny prayers of my heart, and I felt Him changing me from the inside out. The broken girl who was prepared to take her life was beginning to thrive once again!

Most people ask, “Felicia, God didn’t restore your marriage, so how do you still have joy and peace? How are you still able to trust Him?” Well, it’s because I know God wanted to do a deep work of restoration in ME and He did. There were dreams He wanted to restore and new visions He wanted to birth inside of me. Maybe it took a huge breaking to bring that out of me… I don’t know. But, what I do know is: God takes care of His children. He gave me peace even as I was going through the most difficult storm of my life. He filled my life with joy even though the marriage I thought was the source of my joy ended. I know greater still lies up ahead! I serve a God that can do ANYTHING! So I dare not place restrictions on Him!

If you’re in a place of brokenness or disappointment, this is for you! Sis, you’re not alone and God has not forgotten about you. The Bible says that He collects every one of our tears. You are so important to God, and He keeps you so near to His heart! As you’re going through this difficult season know that it won’t last. It’s only temporary. Seasons change. Cling to God’s word. Find promises in the Bible that speak specifically to your situation. Write those promises down and seal them in your heart. Surround yourself with others that will encourage and uplift you! You don’t need anyone tearing you down right now. Find people that will pray for you and love on you in the way you need. Finally, intensify your prayer life. Cry out to God like you never have before. Be real with God. He already knows how you’re feeling. Pour out to God and allow Him to pour back into you. He’ll do it every time, I promise. 

Healing Bible Verses:

Below are a few verses that I like to keep on REPLAY. Feel free to write them down and carry them with you. Keep an index card in your back pocket with a verse to meditate on throughout the day. It does wonders for the soul.

Isaiah 43:2 (NLT)

"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you".

Psalm 165:5 (NIV)

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy".

Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

"For those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor".

A Prayer For My Sisters

Dear Father,

Thank you for my SISTER that is reading this! Thank you for HER life! Thank you for everything you’re doing in her life - the things she sees and the things she’s not even aware of right now. God, I pray protection over HER. God, I ask that if her heart is broken You will heal it. God, I pray that You will reveal to her Your goodness and Your love for her. I pray that anything she’s battling with will be destroyed and that she receives victory in every area of her life through Your love and Your grace. Thank You for every new thing You’re going to do in her life this year, and thank You for replacing the ashes in her life with tons of beauty.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Let’s stay in touch Sisss!

Find me on Instagram: @_beauti_forashes,

Facebook @Felicia.Hefney

You can also send me an email at felicia.hefney@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Love you,

Your Sister, Felicia